last week

Because I don't do things by halves, last week I sort of, kind of, possibly had a 'minor heart attack.'  Which sounds very dramatic, and for a while there it was, but I'm in the clear now and the whole "it looks like you've suffered a mild heart attack" thing is now a distant memory.  However, because I keep my sense of humour with me where ever I go, I thought I'd share with you a few of the things I learnt during my Ambulance ride and brief hospital stint...

1.  Getting a cannula shoved in your arm in the back of an Ambulance will result in you dropping the f-bomb more than once and then you'll be so busy trying not to pass out that you'll totally forget to apologise to the lovely paramedic, who is doing his best to keep you stable, for your foul, feral mouth.

2.  Bandage tape totally doubles as a quick and easy decorating solution.  You know, for when your decorative vinyl strip starts sliding off your wall.  Look, here's a visual...

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3.  Cocaine and codeine don't mix, but they do make you crave a hamburger and chips.  Just ask the bird who was in the room next to me.  Nurses described her as "highly intoxicated" but I think "hammered out of her mind" is a far more apt description.

4.  Nurses are wonderful people.  And they're not in the least bit scared of needles.  Or blood.  Or annoying 40 year old women who keep insisting they don't actually need blood thinning injections because of their intense fear of all things sharp.  Seriously though, nurses really are running the show in hospitals and they truly deserve a pay rise ASAP.  If I were Julia Gillard (current Australian Prime Minister) I'd demand all nurses be paid double whatever they're getting now.  And give them regular perks like Rostered Days Off and a nicer, slightly more flattering uniform.  Of course, I'd organise all of these things after I'd had a nose job and done something about those weird ear lobes that are so long they flap in the wind....

5.  There really is no place like home.  Really. There isn't.  Home, your family and supportive friends are all anyone ever needs.  And if that's all you've got in this crazy thing we call life, then you're doing ok x

PS:  This bit's been added in since the post was first published....

I was back at the docs this morning for a follow up visit and it looks as though the blood test taken in the hospital which confirmed I'd had a 'mild heart attack' was in fact a false positive.  Thank god!  And, would you believe, the doctor seems to think the chest pains were caused by a combination of a lingering chest infection and a strained shoulder muscle.  I've always said exercise and lifting heavy objects is bad for your health.  Looks like I was right all along ;)