the best job i've never had

So many years ago I attended a rather fancy work function with a very good friend of mine.  She'd been invited to attend the swanky 'industry only' event and asked me if I'd like to tag along.  Um, open bar, non stop canapes and a room full of beautiful people?  That would be a yes.  

The only catch was, I had to pretend I worked for my friend in order to attend the function. So during the taxi ride into town, we decided that the best approach would be for me to tell everyone I was her PA. Too easy. I could totally pretend to be the person that answers the phones and runs errands for my very lovely and very talented faux boss.  

Except there was one slight flaw in our plan.

Free Vodka.  

And plenty of it.

After several drinks, I found myself telling the beautiful people around me that I was in fact the Head Pattern Cutter at the company my friend owned and spent a lot of time complaining how sore my hands were.  You know, from cutting out dress patterns all day long.  

Anyho, at one point I found myself talking to the Editor of a well known magazine and she asked the fateful question, "So what did you do before you became the Head Pattern Cutter?"  To which I cleverly replied, "Oh I was an early childhood teacher." (Because at the time, I actually was.)  The Editor raised one eyebrow, looked me up and down and replied, "Well that's quite a leap.  Going from early childhood teacher to Head Pattern Cutter with very little dressmaking experience."  And what was my witty reply, I hear you ask.  Well brace yourself because it went a little something like this:

"Not really.  Both jobs involved using scissors." 

 Cue awkward silence (her) and intense vodka sipping (me)

So tell me.  What was the best job you've never had?  Surely I can't be the only one who knocks back a few vodkas and starts making up silly stories....